prayer.

for you I wish

the feeling of soft cotton against your cheek

the quiet warmth moments before you go to sleep.

 

for you I wish

the gentlest kind of oblivion

I hope you can forget everything

I know that’s what you need.

 

for you I wish

the lazy progress of the clouds

the harmony of birdsong

and the rustle of the trees.

 

anything you need.

please tear my bloody organs out of me.

 

I will concede

in years past with you

I never knew

how to be

 

and I’m sorry

so sorry

for that.

 

for you I wish

the galaxy.

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baby don’t leave me in november

baby don’t leave me in november 
when my bones are growing soft, skin like polyester
i know that it’s selfish

i tried to let you know i was here for you
but i think you liked it better when i wasn’t
(you’ve got to go ‘way, but baby it’s cold outside)

and i don’t want those candlelight years
to start before i’m twenty
and you’re not answering your emails

and i’m sorry i can’t be there to hide your pills
and i’m sorry i can’t help that i’m miles away
and i’m sorry, and i’m sorry, and i’m sorry.

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not like the other girls

trigger warning: abuse

This is an entry for the FEMFLASH 2013 writing competition from Mookychick Online. Enter now.

 –

‘You’re not like the other girls.’

What you feel at first is victory. You flush hot with pride. Maybe he wears steel-toe boots and talks big about politics and when you breathe in the scent of his skin you get dizzy.

He understands you. You’re outsiders, Bonnie and Clyde. He hates girls who cake on makeup because it looks artificial, so you trade a red lip for Chapstick, though he never asked you to.

He talks about his ex, a crazy bitch who was so insecure, who was weird about him touching her stomach and thighs, who’d only let him sleep with her now and then. But you’re not like that. You’ll do anything he wants, whenever he wants. You teach yourself to like the things he likes. You pretend to like the things you can’t.

His friends will wish they had girlfriends like you. You throw back tequila shots with them, play video games with them. You haven’t seen your own friends in weeks, but boys are less drama anyway.

Girls told you he was trouble, but that was before you. Besides, why should you listen to those bitches? You’re not like them. You’re not like the other girls.

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hysteria

This is an entry for the FEMFLASH 2013 writing competition from Mookychick Online. Enter now.

YOU WANT TO KEEP THINGS CIVILISED & ANTISEPTIC
YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR HANDS CLEAN
DETACHED, PRECISE, CLINICAL & ORDERLY
A POLITICS LIKE A PRODUCTION LINE
A TOURNIQUET THAT SUFFOCATES THE WOUND

YOU WANT TO KEEP THINGS STIFF & DEAD
AN IDEA PRESERVED IN A GLASS CASE
UNMOVING, UNTOUCHED
YOU ASK FOR CHARTS & DIAGRAMS
BUT FLINCH FROM THE EVIDENCE WE GIVE YOU
IN OUR TEARS, OUR ANGER, OUR SHAKING HANDS

YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR OUR STORIES
KNOW OUR TRUTHS, LEARN YOUR DAMAGE
YOU BLEACH THEM FROM THE DISCOURSE
BLEACH MY SISTERS’ HISTORY
AND BLEACH MY SISTERS’ SKIN

YOU WANT TO KEEP US SLENDER & BARELY-THERE
EACH BODY A SINGLE WHITE ANEMONE
AND YOU, THE CUTWORMS, FEED SO HELPLESSLY
YOU MAKE US STAMP EACH OTHER OUT
FOR A BREATH OF AIR
AND YOU TAKE EVERYTHING BUT RESPONSIBIILITY

YOU WANT TO KEEP THINGS CIVILISED
YOU WANT TO KEEP THINGS
YOU WANT TO KEEP US
YOU WANT

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revolutions can be tender

This is an entry for the FEMFLASH 2013 writing competition from Mookychick Online. Enter now.

It’s us, half-drunk on the icy air. The police station car park is deserted. I bend to tug a loose brick from the wall.

‘Oh my God,’ she says. I press a finger to my lips. We look at each other. Her eyes widen, anticipation lighting her up like merry dancers in the sky. She nods once.

Weighing the brick in my hand, I count to three before I lob it at the window of the nearest police car.

There’s the smash of the glass and the alarm rings out. No-one’s coming after us yet but we run, high heels clacking on the pavement, until we get to the play park, gasping and laughing and collapsing into each other.

And then we’re still, just breathing, and neither one of us is pulling away.

So I do it, and when our lips meet, her hands slide down my waist, fingertips pressing into my hips.

I feel a thousand riots inside me. I feel the centuries we’ve fought with our words and fists. I feel the world shifting. It’s worth an eternity of struggle.

It’s us, with our love and our rage, skin aglow from the orange streetlights, and it feels as though we’ve won.

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to our dear oppressors

trigger warning: gore/violence

This is an entry for the FEMFLASH 2013 writing competition from Mookychick Online. Enter now.

the best part is you know you deserve it.

the ones you tortured glide in and out of your present:
those shadowy, taunting ghosts
who know just what you did.

maybe you wronged us, or dream of wronging us. you can’t tell
if you are fascinated or repelled by us, and that is why
you try so hard to ignore us.

we are the vampires and the succubi
and the sirens and the mermaids. we are your hell.
we are here to castrate you.

we are here, plunging our fists
into each and every one of your gaping chests, ripping out
that bloody, pulsating organ.

we sink our teeth in as we once did
to that sweet forbidden fruit, sucking the juices from our fingers.
you may only watch and whimper.

what was once a murmur carrying on a breeze
has risen to the pitch of a banshee’s tormented scream
and whose death, do you think, could it mean?

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sorry

back then,
i mistook the happiness you brought me
for the kind that could be obtained
from a sunny morning,
a strong espresso,
the smell of freshly baked bread.

back then,
i was happy a lot.

back then,
i was scared a lot.

you would call it collateral damage:
the scars and stained teeth,
the unpaid bills and unanswered calls,
the empty bottles on the window sill.

i would call it art:
evidence of a life well-lived.

the thing about me is my heart is made of diamond.

the thing about me is that when you touch me,
you’re touching an idea of me.

the thing about me is i’m only here for the story.
that flutter of your eyelids—i’m writing it.
that curve of your spine, that old way you laugh.

otherwise you know i’d do better.

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